Internal battles

The night won’t ever fade into day
Why won’t these things just go away?
Why do they come and tease me so?
Confounded, I don’t love it though.
The clock seems to tick on and on
I hope this voice will soon be gone
It never gives me any peace
Its comments seem to never cease
Its hatred fills up all my soul
Makes me obey its every call
Nothing will make it be okay
As nothing makes it go away
I know one day I will be free
But when it’s gone then where is me?
What’s left of me when its not hear?
Will the rest of me disappear?
It’s in my room, behind the door
In terror I slide slowly down to the floor
It coos mean things and shouts abuse
Makes it seem like I can’t refuse
I heave a sigh and break the skin
Will I be forgiven for this deadly sin?
What chance is there that they won’t be mad?
The voices are the only ones who’ll be glad
They will rejoice in breaking me
My crumbling pain, their remedy
The blood seeps through, calms me down
My face relaxes from the frown
I am free for just a while
A helpline number I should dial
A part of me wants to say no
The rest of me wants to let go
Wants to give up, It’s just too hard
The blood drips onto the white card
Something inside me wakes up at last
Determination to get past
To live through this, come out alive
A reason to live, take a chance and dive
Now I know I want to quit
How hard will it be? Wide awake, I sit
Three AM and full of fear
It coos “just give up my dear”
But I will never again obey
I’ve found a reason to wait for day
A reason to live, a reason to fight
Soon it will be the end of night